did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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