just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
