omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
