We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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