why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
