none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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