I heard we made out
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
