I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
