So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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