Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
