Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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