A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
