And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
