dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
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you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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