I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
