Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
