do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
