Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize