you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
