i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
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Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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