I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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