Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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