Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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