I think my vagina is haunted
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
