all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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