Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
