were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
