Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
