I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
