So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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