I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Operation Purity has been aborted
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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