I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
