i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
