Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
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If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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