I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
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The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
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I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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