i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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