Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
