those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
