hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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