He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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