my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
