so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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