Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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