I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
