But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
