just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
