According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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