Screwed.edu
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
