Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
