I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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