walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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