i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
