I must be too annoying 4 u.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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