it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
