I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I pour the whiskey from now on
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
