So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She bit a glass in half.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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