Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
