Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
