I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
