the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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