C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
there's paper in my vomit.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
