dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
