Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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